Autism Live Journal: Single Mother Melissa’s Journey with Two Kids on Autism Spectrum
At AutisMag, we receive many email from parents and adults dealing with Autism. Today, in our Autism Journal, we would like to share a story of Melissa (real name not disclosed) – a single (and possibly autistic) mum with two adolescent kids on the spectrum!
In this letter, Melissa shares her journey this far – and its a story worth telling!
…Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Both my children are autistic and it has been a struggle as a single mum at times. After much bullying at school I decided a few years back to pull them out and home school them. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Recently I was reading up on autism and have found that I also am autistic. I am not willing to share this with anyone that I know as they wouldn’t understand. Also I’m concerned that they wouldn’t trust the decisions I make for my kids.
All my life I have been bullied, abused and tormented, but thought it was because of my childhood. I was molested and abused as a child too. I live with a heavy burden of constant anxiety, but I use meditation as a tool to help me through each day. I don’t drink, smoke or take medications so I am doing all this on my own.
I have been able to pass through life by using what is called declarative memory. I can recall memories from when I was a baby laying on the floor to almost every moment of my life. I never knew how to ‘be’ so I memorized what everyone else around me said and did and emulated them.
I’ve survived two marriages (I’m 48) and both were abusive. I had to endure six years of family court to gain full custody of my children and get child support. Within six months I gained full custody, which made him very angry so he dragged out the remainder for years. It was a horrid tormenting time for me. It was only finalised a year ago.
Through it all, I have remained ‘normal’ like everyone else and hidden who I really am. Although it was only last week that I came to the realization I’m autistic. I wake up each day and cry, I’ve had a very hard life and never understood why. Now I know. Now I can take the time to learn about myself and how it is that I know when people are lying and when they are hiding behind a facade.
I’ve told my kids. They are supportive (13yo and 15yo). I will never tell anyone else, although I’m telling you now, because I know you will understand.
Thank you for listening to me. I’m trying not to fall in a heap right now and will continue to understand myself and where to go from here. I feel lost right now….